Sasuke's Diary
by HKGlenstid
Summary: July 1st, Year 200. I asked Sakura if she was still interested in being my wife. It was a sudden thought that occurred to me during dinner one time. She was incredibly angry, but said yes. I was extremely confused when she asked me to ask again, but to put more effort into it…
1. Entry 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

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**July 23rd, Year 196**

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_Sakura is an idiot sometimes. Not as much as Naruto god forbid, but an idiot nonetheless. I had given her a key to the compound before I left. She said she'll keep it clean when she could, even though I __expressively__ told her not to. _

_So I happened to be passing by Konoha at the time of my birthday. Thought I could check in on a couple of people. Kakashi was away for a mission. The blonde idiot himself forced me to gorged on some midnight ramen after waking the whole neighbourhood with his ranting. He babbles on and on about Hinata this, Hinata that, but I tune him out anyway for his sake._

_Sakura had apparently went to bed early. Naruto told me she got promoted and has been working tirelessly at the hospital. I went to visit her home, and couldn't find her. _

_Was she actually still working? Did something happen to her? Nope. I find the idiot sleeping at my house mid clean. _

_I put her to bed, and wrote a note on the kitchen table telling her that it's fine to __not__ clean the house, but knowing her…_

_Then I find a sheepskin journal on the table, wrapped neatly in a ribbon. A postal letter was next to it, seeking out the recipient. _

_Me. _

_'Happy birthday' is scribbled horribly in a card with a 'I hope this keeps you sane out there'. It was…touching. So I wrote a thank you at the bottom of the note I already wrote. I'm wondering if I should have left out the 'don't push yourself too hard'…_

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**December 25th, Year 198**

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_I was around for Christmas this year. Made sure to bring last years one too. Sakura seemed speechless for some reason when I gave both presents to her…did she not like it? _

_I found some ancient medical scrolls from Kumo during my travel, and a custom made multi-purpose kunai. Thin enough for surgical purposes, but it was tripled folded steel laced iron, so strong enough to fight without much need to sharpen it consistently. Surely this would benefit her medical studies no?_

_Naruto on the other hand cried when he found out I got him nothing. So to appease the idiot I ended up buying team 7 ramen. Even Hinata, who Naruto proudly announced was his fiancee._

_The ramen was alright._

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**February 2nd, Year 199**

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_I came across a village by wave. I saw the aftermath of a pillage, the corpses of the victims. Reinforcements from Kiri arrived, but it was far too late. I found a certain child amongst the ruins, asking for his parents. Their corpses had already been found, but no one would tell the boy. _

_Should I have told the boy and risk __him becoming like me__? Or was__ leaving it behind__ the right decision…I have no idea. I'm sure Sakura would know the answer…_

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**August 7th, Year 199**

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_I found a zetsu still alive and kicking. I made sure to dispose of it, though I was a bit careless. I found an old woman living far beyond the outskirts of the closest town. She claimed to be a hermit, seeing far too much in her life. I wasn't in the state or mood to correct her._

_She asked if I have a family. I told her they were all gone. She said I was wrong, and that my scars have already faded…what did she mean?_

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**March 28th, Year 200**

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_I couldn't be at Naruto's wedding. It just so happened to be Sakura's birthday as well, but I was on the other side of the continent at the time, so I sent a summon sending my congratulations to both of them. I'm actually happy for both idiots._

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**June 19th, Year 200**

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_Sakura had changed a lot from when I last her. Gone was the clingy annoying girl, and a mature woman was what greeted me back at Konoha. She asked to come along with me, saying she's got enough vacation days to come with me for two weeks. _

_I didn't decline, I could always use a companion at times. Travelling by oneself can get lonely at times. I started bringing her along more on my journey._

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**July 1st, Year 200**

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_I asked Sakura if she was still interested in being my wife. It was a sudden thought that occurred to me during dinner one time. She was incredibly angry, but said yes. I was extremely confused when she asked me to ask again, but to put more effort into it…_

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**October 27th, Year 200**

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_Sakura's stomach is starting to bulge. At first I thought she was putting on weight from all the places I would take her, but she's sick in the morning. Her explosive temper was on the edge at all times. _

_We were around the snake's hideout at the time, so I took the liberty to ask Karin what was wrong with Sakura. She was after all, a violent woman like Sakura. Karin just called me an idiot._

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**March 28th, Year 201**

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_Sakura is due any time soon. But for the time being, we celebrated her birthday. Sakura was happy, so I was content. _

_Orochimaru surprised me with child rearing books, telling me to study them closely and that I'll need them in the future. I told him that it was Sakura's birthday, not mine. He said he didn't care._

_I made sure to burn the books when no one was looking. I don't trust my mentor…_

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**March 31st, Year 201**

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_I never want to see another birth again. I've seen truly traumatising stuff throughout my life, but nothing has come close to seeing my wife bleeding everywhere and screaming her head off. _

_But seeing Sakura holding that tiny hand was an amazing sight. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now._


	2. Entry 2

**May 27th, Year 201**

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_I…I don't know what I should do. __She...__Sarada is so tiny, I'm afraid of accidentally hurting her. I've never held something so fragile before. _

_The gaze she gives me is so…clear, so intelligent, so naive and innocent. She keeps reaching for my hands, her expression so happy whenever I'm around…but my bloodstain hands…do I have the right to hold something so pure?_

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**June 13th, Year 201**

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_We visited a hot springs town in Kumo, one that Sakura had heard about from Karui, Choji's wife. __We booked a private hot spring for the two of us just to relax from Sarada for a while, which I really needed. Karin said she'll take care of her in the meantime. _

_Sakura told me about her worries as a new mother. It was…it was painful seeing her strong confident mentality crack. She was scared for some reason, believing she might not be capable…but she was already a perfect mother. _

_I've seen her with Sarada, the look and aura she gave off…it reminded me of my mother…_

_I told her this, and she seemed to calm down._

_Sakura asked me if I had any worries about Sarada. _

_I lied to her._

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**July 5th, Year 201**

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_I'm still not comfortable holding Sarada. Sakura asked me to look after her for a day, writing down a list for me to complete. _

_Nap time, check. _

_Diaper change, check. _

_Making warm bottles of milk, easily done._

_Regular meals. Easily done._

_Burping…_

_I need a new shirt._

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**October 13th, Year 201**

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_Sarada has grown quite a bit. I'm glad she has the usual Uchiha hair colour, __though having Madara rolling in his grave at a pink haired Uchiha might have been worth it. _

_She is my daughter through and through. She managed to sit up on her own just after four months. I feel like she always aware of her surroundings…just the other day I tried to sneak away to grab a glass of water, but even when I made sure she wasn't paying attention, she still managed to grab at my clothes._

_She's most definitely a genius just like me…I hope that's the only thing she takes off me._

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**October 25th, Year 201**

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_She's crawling. She actually crawled. Well, I didn't actually see it, but I turned my back when Sakura called for me in the corridor, but when I turned back, Sarada was most definitely in a different spot. _

_I'm sure she knows what she did. I'm sure she knows what I did. I feel like my Uchiha blood is strong within Sarada._

_At least Sakura is ecstatic about the news._

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**December 25th, Year 201**

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_Sakura by now has been a godsend. She's learning quickly to be a mother, and I can only be proud of her. The way she and Sarada are at peace when together is a sight to behold._

_It's Christmas day, and we arrived back home in Konoha to celebrate. Surprisingly Naruto and Hinata have a kid too, in fact almost all of rookie nine had. _

_Sarada cries when Naruto tried to hold her, and the idiot accuses me of laughing at him._

_Of course, Sakura immediately yells at him that I wasn't. The idiot never learns._

_As if I'll laugh outwardly in public._

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**March 21st, Year 202**

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_Okay, maybe sometimes I'm not that ecstatic at the fact that my daughter was a genius. Whenever she was upset and she had food in front of her; her aim was always scarily on point. Sakura and I have since learn to dodge her attempts during a tantrum._

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**March 22nd, Year 202**

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_She's learning my dodging patterns too quickly._

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**March 31st, Year 202**

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_Sarada is finally one years old. Sakura actually forced me to hold her today, no matter the excuses. Normally she would be ecstatic to hog our daughter all to herself, but she scolded me for not holding her on her special day. _

_So I did. Sarada has that curious look within her eyes. The kind that sparkle like she sees something amazing. I can only grimace when she grabs at my face playfully. I let her pull my hair as well. _

_Sakura had a lot of fun taking pictures of the two of us._

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**May 12th, Year 202**

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_That snake bastard dare to hint at me that a baby would normally be standing on their own two feet usually slightly before their first birthday. I've never seen Sarada stand before, so I get worried. Was it bad for the baby to not stand after one years of age? _

_I've been wondering how I should bring this up with Sakura. I finally told her today…and…apparently Sarada has been standing up from time to time for the past two months. _

_Sarada still gives me that innocent look though, so I wonder if somehow she was doing this on purpose…_


	3. Entry 3

** October 3rd, Year 202 **

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_Sarada has this bad habit of trotting off whenever Sakura or I am not looking. Thankfully it's not as good as her crawling. Back then she made little to no sounds, but this time around whenever she would attempt to run away her feet would patter loudly across the wooden floorboard. _

_She always has this… gurgle of glee whenever she was caught. By now I figured that she was much smarter than I gave her credit for, even Sakura said that babies while not exactly 'aware' of what may transpire around them, are very good at picking up feeling and connections between people._

_Which is why I swear Sarada does this on purpose as it's the only time I ever have to carry her._

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** December 13th, Year 202 **

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_I find myself coming home from another mission, another zetsu killed by my hands. The bastard even had the nerve to take on Itachi's face. _

_I arrive late, and I'm way too tired to really greet everyone, though I make sure to put in the time to be with Sakura. She asks me to put Sarada to bed. _

_I carry our daughter to her crib, making sure not to wake her up. Her arms greedily wraps the green dinosaur plushie into her grasp and she falls asleep within seconds. I put her to bed, and she sleeps peacefully. She has this… innocent smile, like she's pleasantly enjoying her dreams. I want to reach out, lay a comforting hand to wish a good night, but I stop myself._

_But how much blood have I stained my hand with? How many lives have I taken? _

_Do I _ _truly_ _deserve this feeling of happiness?_

* * *

** January 21st, Year 203 **

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_My eyes are cold when I look into the mirror. They're tired and lifeless, the kind that guilty men have. The eyes of a killer. I wash my face, but it doesn't go away._

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** March 28th, Year 203 **

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_Lately, I've been struggling to get a good night's sleep, both due to an increase in missions and nightmares from my past. Due to my waking up randomly in the middle of the night, I've opted to sleep on the couch so I don't disrupt Sakura's sleep. She needs it for her work after all._

_Sakura gives me this strange look now and then. I can see it in her eyes that she knows something is up, but due to my recent missions stacking up over the past couple of months, she doesn't ask any questions to add any unnecessary stress._

_It wasn't until the night before the next mission that she asks me what was wrong. I chose not to respond to her, but she promises to give me all the time I need to think about my answer. She convinces me to come to bed with her._

_That night I managed to sleep soundly._

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** April 5th, Year 203 **

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_For a while, everything was going fine. Every day was the same. I wake before Sakura, I make breakfast, nothing amazing just eggs and toast most of the time (the limitations of having one hand). _

_Sakura goes to work, not before preparing lunch for Sarada and a goodbye kiss. I look after Sarada. I watch her with a keen eye, making sure to stay up to date with the Daily Konoha newspaper. She tries to crawl away, I stop and bring her back to the room. _

_Lunch, then back to watching Sarada. Sakura comes home stressed, we each dinner as a family. Sleep._

_Rinse and repeat. Rinse. And. Repeat._

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** May 12th, Year 203 **

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_I need to leave. My nightmares return, mocking me for enjoying a peaceful life after what I have done. And also it might be the fact that I had a falling out of sorts with Sakura. _

_The nightmares have been getting worse. A couple of nights ago it reached the breaking point. When I awoke, I found my hand around my wife's neck. I was shocked. And this is the first time we truly had a disagreement ever since becoming husband and wife. _

_Strangely, it was not being of the… choking incident, Sakura had been very forgiving. She urged me to tell her what is wrong, saying she'll always be my side. But I… I can't burden her conscience with my own sins. She… Sakura is someone I cannot bring myself to tell. _

_I look at Sakura, and I look at our daughter, and each time I do I feel even further apart from them._

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** May 13th, Year 203 **

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_Sakura and I haven't spoken this morning apart from the casual 'have a good day' and 'make sure Sarada finishes her meal'. And that's when the idiot decides to summon me to his office. Sakura's parents were more than happy to accept Sarada for the day._

_Naruto had a mission that only I could do. Find Kaguya's foretold enemies, exploring her dimension… I have been putting off for some time now with Sarada's upbringing but…_

_Maybe it was time to leave? I don't know when I'll be back but… this peaceful lifestyle of mine, having a loving wife and a beautiful daughter. It's more than I deserve. _

_I ask Naruto to give me three days to think about it._

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** May 20th, Year 203 **

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_Word must have gotten around my friends because Sakura came home early. She had looked worried like I was disappearing on her again. I thought she would scream at me again, yell at me not to go. But she did none of that._

_My powerful, strong-headed knucklehead of a wife, cried. She broke down and cried, and I felt guilty. I felt selfish. I felt hatred, for myself. _

_Sakura didn't try to stop me though, as if knowing what I was going through. That night I embraced Sakura for what could potentially be for the last time._

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** May 21st, Year 203 **

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_I made sure not to awaken you Sakura, I don't think I could watch you break again._

_I made sure to visit Sarada one more time before I leave. The little tyke was awake as if expecting me. Of course, she was. Her small arms reached out towards me, and I did the sensible thing and granted her request. This could potentially be the last time I do so after all._

_She gurgled cutely, playfully grabbing at my hair as she always does. Her innocent gaze looked into me as if peering into my soul. And she decides now or all times to say her first words. Sorry to say it wasn't 'mama', didn't mean to take that from you. _

_It's time for me to take my leave. I thank you both for these past few years. I'm leaving behind this diary as where I'm going, I won't have a need for it. _

_Sakura and Sarada. _

_Sayonara._

_I love you both._ _ I'll miss you both._

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**A/N: Hey it's been a while. Been busy with life stuff and starting to get back into the idea of writing stories again. I also picked up screenwriting as it seemed pretty interesting. So far I've been having lots of fun with it.**

**I didn't know where to go with this fic, to be honest. I kinda just saw it as a prelude into Sasuke leaving, and the entries just naturally went in that direction. I haven't actually finished a story in a very long time, so even though this is short, I feel satisfaction in this small little story. XD**

**Anyway, I hope you all have a good day! Look forward to hopefully more stories. I plan to eventually finish An Angel to Guide me and Mother for a Year. And I'm planning another League of Legends fic as well as a Naruto one.**


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